Neglect and Introspection

Well, this has certainly gone neglected for quite some time.

I’ve never been good at finishing what I start. Start writing, never finish it. Start a video game, then it goes unfinished for years. Start school, never finish. I’m just not very good at that. I’m not the kind of person to make New Year’s Resolutions, so this isn’t one, this is just a general resolution to try to finish what I start. I’ve already made a good step in continuing my education. I’ve gotten excellent grades in nearly all my classes (A’s in everything except a D in psychology, which is unsurprising as I’m not good at the science thing, and a very high B in my sanitation and safety class), and I regularly attend class (even though it’s a pain in the ass commuting to school – public transportation while dressed in a chef’s uniform and lugging a knife roll and a toolbox with a heavy backpack on is not anyone’s idea of a good time). I’ve maintained a regular schedule with RTDFW, insisting on admin meetings at least once a month, and taking time out of my week to think about future events or continuing to plan upcoming ones.

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Getting Your Shit Together

Confession: I have never been the type of girl who has her shit together. Oh, I LOOK like I have my shit together. I’m the organized one in RTDFW (Rooster Teeth DFW, a fan community in which I’m a leader – we plan fun events and stuff, and have made new friends). My school notes are impeccable, complete with different colored pens and highlighters. I use a homework app, and my email has several folders that I sort them into.

In actuality, I very much do not have my shit together. It took me this long just to find a career that I want to pursue, and have figured out different ways to showcase my talent and abilities. My instructors in my introductory classes at college have helped a lot. I’m taking a class called Education Alternative, which is a mandatory one credit hour class for those on academic probation. The instructor is absolutely incredible. I had my last advisor meeting with her this morning, and she nearly made me cry when she basically told me that she knew I could accomplish great things. I’ve never been told I have motivation before, and to hear it from an instructor whose job it is to try to get students to get their shit together meant a lot to me. I’m baking cookies for her before our last class on Thursday.

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The concept of “home” is always something that’s confused me. Not because my life is, or has been, unstable in any way – on the contrary, I had a pretty great childhood and lived in the same house from ages 5-18. It’s all the discussion about what home is that confuses me.

Home could be, quite literally, where you live. Your castle. I always try to make my apartments personal, hanging paintings or posters, displaying my video game collection and books, and I’m terrible about hoarding little things like stuffed animals and figurines. When people come over, they definitely get a sense of who I am – my kitchen is filled with gadgets, I have all of my video game systems proudly on display, and there are posters of things I like on the walls (framed, because I’m an adult and I can buy $8 frames at Wal-Mart instead of using push pins like some kind of animal).

But have you ever been somewhere and felt this feeling deep inside you like you belong there? It’s sort of like relief, like you’ve finally found where you’re supposed to be. I guess that could also be my inner dreamer, or my active imagination. It’s easy for me to picture myself living in other places. Of course I’ve thought about the usual things – Los Angeles, New York City – but I most often think about it in two places – Minnesota, and northern Michigan.

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Begin, Be Bold, and Venture to Be Wise

It occurred to me recently that I haven’t been writing as much as I should. Given how many changes and new experiences I’m starting to have as a (mostly) adult woman, I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was time to take blogging seriously. Of course I had diaries and journals as a child and teenager – I still remember my brief love affair with Diaryland when I was 16, and I still have friends that I made on LiveJournal around the same time. But since the popularity of Facebook, I just haven’t been journaling seriously. Oh sure, Timehop will show me little nuggets from my Twitter and Facebook, but that doesn’t really tell me anything. I got drunk with my friends eight years ago and sent out a lot of hilariously misspelled Tweets? Great! But where were we? Did anything interesting happen (probably, I am a delightful drunk)?

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